#ur shallow as hell actually

[greatdecaygreatrenewal]

idk i feel if u ship tomura w ur oc or a canon character n solely reduce him to his skin condition or his fandom version to boost the other characters up, purposely to make them look better n to make it seem like tomura could never bag a conventionally more attractive/interesting/appealing person. then fuck you?

[viulus]

Games that I like and how they handle racism

Virgin Great Ace Attorney Chronicles vs CHAD Disco Elysium

[linkcharacter]

JUST wanna say ur designs and style are not only goated asf, but it is so refreshing to see mouthwashing fans who dont boil jimmy down to "jimmy bad!!!" and "sorry you had to draw jimmy" and can actually interact with media critically and understand the role characters play in a story. ur analysis of him is soosososo interesting bc hes an interesting character ! (sorry if i read this all wrong. feel free to delete)

Well thanks hehe, thats a big compliment there!

For the most part, comments like "Sorry you had to draw Jinsertnamehere" don't bother me that much because they're lighhearted. And some artists' "I'm never drawing Jwiblebombilbobl!!" is not that critical either, it may just be a personal preference. It's not that big of a deal tho I understand the annoyance. However I do think there are underlying reasons for people acting like this that I hate.

There is something to be said about the fandom acting especially pretentious and vicious with Mouthwashing that is veeeryyyy odd and I don't like it. Sometimes it feels like the mouthwashing fandom are a group of kindergartners that can't see past a shallow reading and dumbing down characters while removing what makes them interesting. Stop acting pretentious please guys, be mature and see the value in the story in its execution of complex ideas and concepts. Just be chill guys and don't harass people, it's not that difficult.

Tumblr has been very chill so far and I'm reallyyy reallyyyy glad I don't interact with the Mouthwashing fandom outside of here. I hear it's hell out there on xitter and tintonk.

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

I don't think Sniper's backstory is superfluous nor do I think it's too serious (it's REALLY funny like his backstory is hilarious. in kind of a sad way but it's funny) but it's like. kinda the only funny thing he gets to do for a while and he's not even an active player in it. I wish he got more interaction w individual characters besides just Spy (and Medic I guess?), like we KNOW how he and Spy work by now and that Spy thinks he sucks, but does like everyone else think he sucks to the same degree? I bet Soldier or Zhanna would have given him their clothes to tie around his waist. Idk I obviously really love Sniper and it might be annoying if ur like a dedicated Pyro fan or something to hear a Sniper fan say he wants there to be more Sniper, but I'm not rlly saying "there should have been more screentime for Sniper" I'm saying "in the screentime he was given he should have thrown pee at a robot like at least once"

I'm not usually someone to make Critiques of the tf2 comic bc it's yknow. the tf2 comic. but I wish they'd let Sniper be funnier. Like he barely does anything funny except for being naked. I think fans tend to write him off as closer to "straight man" than "actively funny" but that's not rlly the vibe I get off of him, he's a weird freak and you need to have people reacting to him being a weird freak. But that only gets to happen, like, once? Yknow with "this is a $10,000 Louis Crabbemache jacket". Demo kinda does it too but Sniper isn't even on screen for that and getting him to react is half the joke. I don't think he's overrepresented or overcharacterized in the comic (he's not in it THAT much cmon) but it's interesting how with all the screen time he gets they only bring up the pee thing like. once

[ahoyimlosingmymind]

i think Sophie's personality took a nose-dive when Shannon over 'girl-bossed' the entire narrative surrounding all the girls in the books.

does this make sense??

I loved Sophie books 1-5. She had a fierceness and heroicness and a willingness to do what she believed was right from the get-go. But then somewhere along the line her already existing personality traits were shoehorned into this cringe label and over-saturated by characters like Ro who are always like "Girl power! and glitter!"

Sophie had so many great traits from the start-- but lately, her character almost feels like a caricature of those traits.

and I am NOT saying there is anything wrong with empowering women and girls-- however, the writing comes off as weak when it's spoon-fed to you that THAT is how you're supposed to perceive the character. Sophie was cool and smart and empowered way before the narrative decided to become "aware" of it in a textual sense. She was cool as hell before the books ever went "NOW THAT'S A STRONG AND POWERFUL GIRL!!! SEE THAT STRONG AND POWERFUL GIRL??? SHE"S SUCH A STRONG AND POWERFUL GIRL" like??? mf?? I READ the books. I ALREADY KNOW.

She was a leader from the beginning. She was a leader because she cared enough to do something about something. Way before the Black Swan named her the moonlark, and the leader of Team Valiant.

And she continued to develop those leadership skills over the books, until at some point, the writing became too aware of her development and shoved it into your face, instead of it being a subtle arc that spoke for itself.

but also... the way Shannon seems to want to sell her development doesn't exactly match with what she's written. There are moments in the books where characters shower Sophie in compliments that come off as generally untrue...

One of the defining aspects of Sophie's personality is her insecurity and secrecy. Which are traits that can be annoying at times, but are realistic. Regardless of those traits though, she still had dimensions and was willing to stand up for what she believed in from the beginning. The thing is, her insecurity never quite went away. If you read any of the later books, she has crippling self-doubt and identity issues. But then you have characters like Ro coming in and saying things like "Ur so confident!" and it just comes off as a very strange cognitive dissonance in the narrative.

No, Sophie isn't confident in her ability to lead, regardless of what the books say in small tidbits, when the whole of the books show that she is quite insecure, but believes in her values enough to do something to protect them-- which automatically shoe horns her into a leadership role.

What was admirable about Sophie's character was not her confidence. And is not her confidence. She's admirable because she's deeply insecure and flawed and not an amazing leader, but that she still tries. Sophie is a leader because she tries, because she steps out and says "this isn't right!" not because she's actually good at it. She does not have a lot of the typical qualities that make good leaders. She's not very outspoken most of the time, she's insecure, she's more introverted-- she's just a character who is justice oriented, so she rises above those feelings. WHICH IS A BETTER NARRATIVE CHOICE THAN "No Foster, ur actually a perfect leader <3"

I boil this down to:

TWO CONTRADICTING TRAITS CAN EXIST AT THE SAME TIME.

Sophie is insecure, and lacks confidence. But she's also moral, and therefore does her best to be a leader.

She's brave. Not confident.

am I making any sense??? I feel like I have a point and it's getting lost a bit here. Maybe I'll come back and clarify things another time. rn I'm tired.

ALSO: I fear the same thing happened to Biana and Linh.

I deadass think the introduction of Ro is what began it all. She's a try-hard character for female empowerment, that comes off as very forced and shallow.

[yestrday]

ouh oh eyeing the making them beg prompt RESPECTFULLY. not sure if the prompts are towards the chara or by them but if it's the first one.... blade and/or dan heng, maybe? holy moly when prideful/quiet men beg 🫣

no pressure pookie! i love ur works btw 🤍

ooh i do love me some bladie q(≧▽≦q) even if i do find him hard to write. dan heng was also supposed to be included but i accidentally published it :((

part of an ongoing event!

╰┈➤ BLADE of the Stellaron Hunters.

only metal bars separate the two of you in this musty dungeon cell, and they shake ferociously when your prisoner grabs them and bares his teeth at you between the gaps.

"you really think these trifling things will stop me from laying a hand on you?" from the shadows, his crimson gaze seems to be devouring you like he's the one watching the prison from the outside looking in. "you think anything can keep you safe from me, lamb?" he laughs lowly. "you're as naive as you look."

"not as naive then if i'm the one who has you locked up," you hum, twirling they key languidly around your finger as you shoot him a haughty smile. "we're destiny's slave, bladie. not slaves to our whims. you should've thought better before you went about attacking me."

he keeps quiet, but he continues to gaze at you with a look between obsession and hatred. little thought went into his actions when he tried for your neck with his broken blade. but you had been working with him and kafka for some time now, and it was agonizingly tantalizingly how clear his head felt at your slightest touch. it was a medicine better than kafka's whisper.

you must know the effects you have on him, from how you always smile and lean in for a touch before pulling away at the last second. you must have known how crazy you've had him for you, and it would have hurt his pride, had he not been reduced to a rabid mutt itching to get a pet from his master.

"i think i know what you want," you smile at him, leaning in close to the bars till he can feel your breath mingling with his shallow pants. "poor thing, the mara must be torture for you." you let your fingers trail over the space between his brows and — ah, there it is, that lightheaded feeling that he's been drunk on these past months. like floating through space, like death hath come, like peace at long last— till you pull away with a teasing smirk and the weight of a thousand hundred years comes crashing down on him again.

no. impossible. why would you take away heaven after he's finally had a taste? you bite back a laugh at the tortured expression on his handsome features, before they curl into cruel smile.

"beg." because of course you'd say that. aeons were never benevolent. why should heaven and its master be?

"... lease..." blade mumbles, pride choking his own words as if he hadn't been living without dignity all these years. "please, [y. name]. i need it. this thing you're doing to me..." he raises his head, and though remnants of bitterness light aflame at the back of his eyes, you see more of the broken man that he actually is. "whatever it is, i need it. badly."

your hand cups his chin and tilts it back to get a good look at his handsome face. sweet, sweet euphoria blooms in his mind, that blank feeling overwhelming every scream and torture that had taken over his mara-infected mind. that blissed out blank look, paired with a gaped and panting mouth, is too beautiful.

"how badly?" you whisper, though blade can barely register your words.

"more than i need death itself."

that's more than enough for you. sweetly, like a lover and not a master, you kiss him through the metal bars. you give him pleasure that has his whole body weak, and he slumps into the bars, kissing you back like he never wants to pull away.

at the back of his mind, he thinks of how this was the start of a worse torture than mara. because now that he'd gotten a slice of your heaven, every second apart from you would be worse than hell.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Second Best 4

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Characters: Lee Bodecker

Summary: The newly-single sheriff sets his eye on an unexpected match.

Part of the Backwoods AU

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

‘Really. Ur gonna ignore me.’

The latest in Greta’s endless texts pops up. Thankfully, the shitty reception blocks out most of them and they dump in bunches you can easily swipe away. You ignore her shallow pleas for the carnation badge you’ve been diligently stitching away at.

Your eyes are bleary from squinting and the fatigue tugging at the corners. Another day at the hotel leaves you with barely enough energy to enjoy your time off the clock. You pick away at the pink petals until your head threatens to split from the deep furrow in your brows.

You sigh and pack up your kit, setting it aside and pushing yourself off the floor. Ugh, you’re too young to be this achy. You yawn and stagger out of your room, puttering through the house lazily. It isn’t until you get to the kitchen that you notice the silence.

There’s an unbaked meatloaf on the counter, the oven preheated, and potatoes half-peeled. What the hell? You take a bottle of orange cream soda from the fridge, the special ones your mom gets you, and set off in search of your parents.

Your father’s voice is the crumb trail that leads you to your quarry. Your dad’s on the front porch, hands on the railing as your mother stands at his shoulder. The screen door snaps shut behind you, announcing your arrival abruptly. You follow their gaze to the police cruiser pull across the driveway.

“What’s going on?” You ask as you twist the cap off the bottle.

“We should be asking you,” your mother turns with arms crossed.

“What do you–”

“Taught you better than to steal,” your father hisses as he shifts back to glare at you.

“What are you talking about?” You shake your head.

“Now, now, we ain’t laying any charges…yet,” Bodecker comes up to the steps, previously obscured by the tall post, “just some questions.”

“Questions? About?” You hold the cream soda, untasted. “Mom, dad?”

“Go on,” your dad sneers, “talk to him.”

“Honey,” your mother turns on you, “so disappointed.”

“I didn’t do anything…” you murmur.

“Maybe ya didn’t but I still needa ask ya some stuff,” Bodecker insists, a sneaky wink behind your parents’ back.

You huff. What do you do? You could refuse and tell them how he tried to chase you down in his cruiser but you really don’t think it’s any more believable than it was yesterday. You tramp across the porch and descend the steps, staring at the sheriff.

He beckons you away from the porch. You follow warily. You don’t trust him but you know refusing will only make you look worse. It’s grade school all over again. Your parents always believed the principal over you.

“How ya doin’, darlin’?” He asks as he puts a hand on his hip, kicking out one foot as his stance pushes out his stomach further.

“What are you doing here?”

“Ain’t no way to speak to an officer,” he girds, “ah, ya know, we gotta call from the grocer… says someone snatched some gummy bears on their way out with a cone.”

“Huh?” 

“It’s just candy but it’s still a crime,” he tuts.

“I wouldn’t– I didn’t–” You sputter.

He smirks. Is he lying? Or did Greta swipe something? You wouldn’t put it past either of them.

“I’m not accusin’ you, I just wanted to give you the chance to clear your name,” he taunts.

“You know it wasn’t me,” you utter.

“Do I? I barely know ya,” he scoffs, “and it ain’t for lack of trying.”

“The store has cameras, doesn’t it?” 

“Mm, I thought so but turns out they’re decorative. Deterrent more than functional,” he snickers as he reaches to adjust the bolo tie at his collar, “so all I got to go on is eye witnesses. Supposed I could ask Grety girl.”

The pet name makes your stomach churn. Greta will already be pissed at you for snubbing her, you don’t doubt she’ll happily throw you under the bus, or the police cruiser, for a two dollar bag of candy.

“And if I tell you the truth, that it wasn’t me,” you challenge.

“Your word against hers,” he shrugs, “isn’t it?”

You look at him. His eyes gleam victoriously. He’s got you in a corner. You glance over as your dad sits on the porch, your mother’s shadow behind the screen door.

“What do you want?” You ask as you face him again.

“Just a ride along, darling,” he says, “won’t take long at all.”

You frown, your tongue bitter. You shudder and blow through your lips. What choice do you have?

“I’ll have you back by curfew, don’t you worry,” he chuckles.

“Fine,” you sniff, “fine, I… just need to grab some shoes.”

“Good girl,” he praises and reaches for the bottle in your hand. He takes it and sucks on the neck, downing nearly half of it, “sweet…” he muses, “bet you’re sweeter.”

You scowl and turn away from him. He can have the damn cane soda. You stomp towards the porch as he strides coolly behind you. Your mother opens the door as you approach.

“She’s just gonna come make a statement at the station,” Bodecker explains, “ain’t nothing wrong. Just to clear her name.”

“Oh,” your mother touches her chest daintily.

“We’re not paying no fines for you, girl,” your father growls.

You sidle past your mom and grab your slip-ons. You toss them on the porch and step into them before stomping back to the steps. You don’t say a word. You don’t need the sheriff digging you a bigger hole.

“Shouldn’t be none of that,” Bodecker says, “but she might wanna get better friends.”

You march towards the cruiser defiantly. He’s right. You wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for Greta. But she isn’t your biggest problem. No, he’s got your soda and a smirk on his face.

[virginmiri99]

ranboo lowk a sex fiend bruh delete ur shit and post that dhit somewhere else

He literally just commissions some artist to draw him sexualized and posts it on twitter and his 14 year old stans go wild

bro its actually disgusting i cant theres zero justification in my mind to act like that on an accout with 3 MILLION FOLLOWERS. i dont care if your content has "matured" bc youre older now you are straight up posting softcore porn of yourself for validation. thats not maturing thats the same old childish shit with an 18+ rating. none of his material is in anyway mature--just same old shallow jokes and no substance. no way to try and spin it: ITS FREAKY AS HELL.

[kkoffin]

When you buy a pet (not adopt), if you aren’t willing to spend the time and money on giving that animal the absolute best life you can provide, or if you can’t afford to provide it a life it’ll thrive in, then don’t buy the fucking pet. You aren’t entitled to another life because you want ur living room to look better.

That fish you abused didn’t just “die”. You killed it. And you were the reason it had a miserable life. You caused its suffering. I’m not religious, but i believe of ALL things, that is what makes someone deserving to go to hell and rot for eternity. Causing another life to be miserable and painful for something as unbelievably shallow as you thought it would look nice on the dining table, or you thought it looked cute. ESPECIALLY if you have or if it’s for a child. Teaching children that other life can suffer for their mild convenience.

Animal abusers actually kill urself challenge sorry, I don’t care. I don’t care if it’s a dog or a fish or a fucking insect - if you chose to care for it, and keep it in ur house, then you need to give it everything you can, or give it away. You deserve to feel guilty if you knew better and you chose to let it suffer anyway.

By the way, this is NOT talking about children who couldn’t provide care, and parents didn’t either help, or find someone else to care for the animal. also doesn’t include people who didn’t know any better (you should still do research before buying any pet, but some people don’t know to do that either). This doesn’t include homeless people who are doing their best for their best friend who also keeps them going. etc.

[bythenineshards]

Omg what was up with that Feysand stan on ur post????? ITS JUST A THEORY. (Not to mention a MUCH better pairing) and lol if Feysand was always endgame why in the fck does Rhysie SA Feyre??? Did Sjm do that to build sexual tension (cause Feyre says in Acomaf she had "wanted him even then") AND THAT'S INFINITELY WORSE!!

Lmao they tried to fire up on one of my posts too and I immediately blocked them. Seen them one too many times fighting about posts that's none of their business. Like life is so empty u need to fight with strangers on the internet to feel something. I am literally so mad not them saying Tamlin Apologists deserve to be bullied?!?!? For liking a fictional character????!!

I took personal offence to that

Ha! See! I told you I would respond today. I totally didn't get sucked into Skyrim and my writing and nearly forgot.

Idk what their problem was. They blocked me like the first week I was on here so I didn't think much of them. I knew about them because there would be discourse on posts and an invisible opponent. So I guess they unblocked me to stir shit and idk, get more traffic to their blog? They rebranded with a name that is clearly meant to draw in Antis of Feysand. I think they're like 15 and so I guess they're in their "I'm edgy look at me phase" where they want to pick fights because they think they're always right and special. I'm so glad I didn't grow up with my cringe behavior on the internet.This is why we don't sell erotica or "dark romance" to children. They can't handle speculation or discussions. I bet they cry over Marvel's What If... series because it's not Canon. Like... the post that had them all fired up was speculation about something we have receipts for. And a lot of people liked the idea. All they do is make the books look worse.

And the way they talk about Feyre vs. Nesta is like they think they're written by two different people. This isn't Harry Potter (fuck you Rowling) vs. Twilight (fuck you Meyers). I don't think Feyre gets a free pass to transform into a person of another race just cuz Nesta and Gwyn modelled their stuff after the Valkyries. I think both are bad and icky because the same author wrote both and clearly doesn't see how offensive that could be. I do, however, think that there's a difference between what Feyre did and the Blood Rite. Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie were kidnapped and forced into the Blood Rite. They didn't actually choose to.

Side note though: Valkyries are from Norse mythology. It does chap me that she couldn't use a mythology or create something new for her Illyrians to flesh out their culture. She just used a primarily white culture for her non-white character's culture.

Sorry to rant about that. It just irked me.

I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would ship Feysand the way it's written in Canon. I can with 100% confidence say I've never written a romance that involved anyone SAing anyone. Hell, I don't feature SA at all really. I don't want it in my fantasy. I want people to find peace and love in my books. Men have written enough SA in fantasy, it doesn't need any from me.

But like... if you look at their posts, the reason I don't like Feyre is because I wanted "my fav" to end up with Rhys. They can't fathom that I don't like Rhys at all. I don't like any of her men. They don't appeal to me at all. The only one I might’ve had any inkling of interest in is Kallias but I'm sure if we spent more than a handful of pages with him, I'd hate him too. I think she'd eventually change all of them regardless of appearance to something shallow and toxic.The Bat Boys specifically are boring to me. Their designs suck, their personalities suck and the way they treat their women sucks. Nothing I see in her books is what I would classify as love. Her books aren't about love. They're about sex with hot dudes. But you know what? Other books do romance, love and even just sex better.

I'm glad you blocked them. Just know, they still spy on us.

Thank you for your ask. I hope you're doing well.

[chanstopher]

So abs flashing. Shirt lifting. Nothing new, has been done plenty before. Especially Christopher. But I don't fucking get why it is only with him that I get like visceral reactions. Like I feel like the equivalent of a victorian lady seeing a man's ankle for the first time because the cut of his suits pants falls just above the ankle bone. I mean he is hot, like ridiculously, absurdly hot but also the people I liked in the past are also hot but they have never bothered me to the scale that my soul has been disturbed because of him. Is it because behind the attractiveness that is clear and can be seen and appreciated physically, his personality too is just as attractive, if not even more and combined with the looks it just makes me doubly, supremely, royally fucked? Is it because I have the knowledge that the man actually likes working out and behind those abs is also a man who enjoys doing physical sports and the man was and is a swimmer? Is it because the same guy that is showing his abs all embarrassed and shy, is also the same guy that is like making it his life mission to carry every single member of the group whenever he can and how easily and effortless he makes it look each time? Like it is joked that the man works out just so he can give great hugs to the members but I wouldn't be surprised if he actually does - helloskz anon

this is all so relatable and valid my love 😔 he really just is so perfect and there’s just layers and layers of it. he checks all the boxes, the shallow visuals ones, the talented as hell ones, the kind and sweet and so full of love ones 🧎‍♀️ he’s just everything, there is no rest here for anyone. you can’t even be like i love him cause he’s so hot and move on because he is just soft and giggly and mushy. and he’s so loving and supportive of the members. yo i am just see how kind and patient and caring he is :( and the dedication he has for making music and helping the other members learn to make great music too??? it’s all so much all the time that the ab shots are like a pause button cause u dont have to think about how special he is for like .3 seconds and ur brain can resent but he’s so hot that it doesn’t reset it just malfunctions. the never ending cycle of being a chris stan 🫡

[natsmagi]

godd i just got into enstars recently and all the characters’ lore and development is so so interesting to me… it’s a bit overwhelming for sure but i hope i can make progress on reading some stories soon

in past fandoms/media i’ve been in, i was definitely one of those ppl who reduced characters to a singular trait or a ship (and i didn’t even look at how the characters within the ships helped each other develop either). i think a lot of that came from not reading the stories from the source material. i used to get most of my information about characters from the wiki or ppl’s posts abt them which were mainly lovemail or meme posts, not that people should never make them but god i should not have been basing my perception of a character off them.

i haven’t gotten into the enstars fandom that much (i think) and i think that’s been good for me. i’m in like. shallow waters ig. and random stuff just washes up on my feed. i’m at the point where i’m interested in charas that i originally hated/disliked, not to say they’re my faves now but i am certainly intrigued by them and i hope to learn more about them soon

also i’m sorry this ask/rambling/confession of sins is so long and probably somewhat incoherent i didn’t realize ajdjfhfhdmsnjdk that one post activated my few braincells

ITS ALL GOOD! and yea i totally get that! even with ensemble stars i feel like thats a common beginning for people to have in this fandom. bc like. there are SOOOO many stories and SOOOO many characters, how the hell are u even supposed to know where to start?? or even know which characters youll end up loving most???? so it makes sense to just check out the wikis and see what ppl are posting online! i know i did that when i first got into the fandom (i also took a uquiz to see what character i was most like) (got wataru for those curious)

i dont think theres anything wrong with starting off ur fandom journeys like this! its just important to actually engage with the source material if its something thats interested u so u dont start accidentally spreading misinfo and mischaracterization and whatnot! we all start somewhere and we cant be expected to know every single thing about everything, so its okay!

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

dear you,

you're 26 now and the weight of the world is still on your shoulders. the drugs keep taking up so much of ur life and u don't want it to stop because it makes life more interesting and gives u perspective so what the hell. sobriety's a joke and if you're holier than me you can get the fuck out. you're tired of being small, confused, addicted. to loveless lies. pisces men. staying up all night. you love sleeping in and also having a bedtime. being boring. normal. craving a sense of peace. you're still erratic and wear what you want based on how you want to feel and impulsive but now you count how much everything costs because u knew what it was like to have nothing at all. just a few months ago. and everything's still twisted and sick and sick and twisted but it is what it is and that's exactly how u like it.

you're braver and louder and more rustic and darker. not just the tattoos or the way you dress. everything consolidated into a dark feminine energy, sensual flair, romantic elegant gothic. all black. you don't take another second to wonder if someone down the street needs to get told to shut the fuck up. you want to read more and collect information in ur brain about everything there is to learn about the world and emerge and rly hope you get into that poetry program. there's so many ways that you can choose to go backwards. there's so many easy ways to betray yourself over and over and over again until you feel like there's nothing left.there's so many ways to continue to rot in the molded peach pit of your January lover, waxing crescent, wanning gibbous. some things are not meant to be and you have to accept that. somethings that hurt that feel good when they hurt doesn't mean it's actually good. somethings that U find endearing and poetic to feel don't mean they are feelings that u ought to feel forever. they're just familiar.

last year at 25 you promised yourself to stop smoking cigarettes. you lied. but you don't blame yourself. they feel like ur first love still. and outside of those child like eyes at 26 u realize promises r always gonna be held loosely. n pinky promises can still be broken. like marriage and babies and running away in fast cars with just a jar full of change.

you're still scared of food but you're done romanticizing your youth. scraped skinned bloody knees from falling on cement just to prove u bled. like shedding skin meant transformation. you'll still romanticize passing trains that light up polluted skies, 11:11 wishes, getting tucked in at night, and ring pop proposals that mimic wedding bands, though.

you're ok with sitting in silence and being alone. ok with not having to talk and entertain the crowd, the room. you're confident in how u make a statement either way. you know you're here to open the hearts of others. to make them feel. cuz if there's one reason 2 be alive it's to write. about romance, beauty, memories, love. the eternal things. the things that could break you down, build u up, make u cry.

you're confused why 26 feels more like a commitment to be alive and have a future and that makes u feel neutral. but like u have to kind of swallow that lump in the back of ur throat that says ur gonna do it all wrong or gonna fuck it all up. you flashback now to the time when you were 13 looking in the mirror when the clock stroke midnight and u were waiting for a visible change on ur birthday. it's funny now to think that's all that was to think about change.

you're being more comfortable with who you are, and wanting to share that with others; whether that is dramatic, expressive, way 2 depressive, aggressively over exaggerated....you are never gonna try to make urself small for the comfort of others. shallow u could never be. an ocean u will embody when u reach a million more of these days of birth, these happy birthdays. it feels unreal to have made it another year. I hope it continues to feel good rather than dreadful. I won't blow out my candles this time wishing I was dead, I'll wish for peace of mind. and the strength to live day by day by day by day one day at a time.

[the-ultimate-pie-family]

Helluva boss death in the family part 2 pony edition

"When octavia got shot by a bleesed bullet, blood saw hope of one day bringing her back to hell with her family"

Octavia: *wakes up in a hospital bed* ugh......w-wat? W-where am i?.... dad!!!!!!

Blood: *appears in her room with food* ur awake, my dear. How u feeling? *gets tackled by octavia*

Octavia: Who r u? Where am I? Where's my dad?!

Blood: names blood the dead god ur in heavens hospital and ur dad sad

Octavia: h-heaven.......so......im really dead, am i?.........

Blood: For now, but eat ur food and come find me, my dear. *disappears*

Octavia: Wait..........i.......wanna go home......... "her stomach growled, but she didn’t know how she would make it vack home, but that pony said he could help she started eating to build her strength back up, and then a pony came into her room"

Red octavia?

Octavia: *gulps* yes ma'am

Red: im red blood personal doctor he told me to check ur bullet wound

Octavia: My?..... "her head started hurt, having a small flashback of her mom shooting her with a blessed bullet she then looked down, seeing her chest wrapping in holy bandages"

Red: *uses her magic to cut the bandages off* Hmmm *writes on her clipboard* Miss octavia rate ur pain level plz?

Octavia: ....0....

Red: hmm ok but don't worry, octavia blood has plans for u to take u back home. *looks inside octavia bullet hole wound* Hmmm, odd ok, eat up, my dear

Octavia: Wait, can this blood actually help get back home

Red: god works in mysterious ways, my dear *walks out*

"Octavia was finished eating she walked out of her room, looking around, then Ark Angel spotted her so she ran she ran into a building. Seeing a pony cooking the pony seemed like he didn't notice the door was open, didn't even notice octavia in the room, so she walked to the pony"

Blood: *sticks a spoon in her mouth* Let me know wat u think, my dear *smiles going back to cooking*

Octavia: *shallows the food* blood is it?

Blood: u remember my name good now, Miss octavia, u may have questions, and I'll answer them, but can u help me cook? My kids will be home soon

Octavia: *gulps helping blood cook* blood am i dead?

Blood: Some say when a hell demon gets shot by a blessed bullet, they die but answer me , "Do u feel dead?"

Octavia: .....no......but how am i not dead? I got shot?

Blood: *giggles* octavia blessed bullet don't kill they send them here for a second chance

Octavia: But how? Why a second chance?

Blood: Because god knows anything deserves a second chance once and a while, even if their from hell, by the way, how is my brother?

Octavia: Brother?

Blood: Satan?

Octavia: he's ur brother?!

Blood: mhmm their a story to tell their i know, but u must've seen Satan before, right?

Octavia: No, not really

Blood: hmmm well ur dad stolas is probably stumping into a meeting right now

Octavia: ......he always was protective over me.......

Blood: All dads r my dear octavia i was a nervous wreak when my first daughter was born. i wanted to keep her safe and happy, but what I'm saying is ur dad will always be there for u no matter wat

Octavia: ........i miss him.......i miss my friends......i miss my family i had........ *starts crying, getting held by blood feeling warm*

Blood: octavia *whips her tears away* im going to get u back home. u deserve this second chance. Are you still young u still have ur life ahead of u

Octavia: ......when can i go home?

Blood: When i take the blessed bullet tip out of ur chest

Octavia: ........will i really be home after?

Blood: *smiles nodding using his holy magic, taking the blessed bullet tip out of her chest*

Octavia: Just like that?

Blood: *tilts head* ?? Wat u mean? *grabs his bag* Ready, my dear? *summons a portal to hell*

Octavia: Wait?.... im actually going back home?

Blood: mhm *walks in portal, taking her through* see hell

Octavia: i.....i-i really am home.....

"Alarms go off sigaling satan that god is in hell then surprise jr and stolas was with him"

Octavia: dad?!.......

Stolas: "he ran for his daughter, hugging her tight* b-but how? I-i saw u.......

Octavia: i thought i was dad......but blood saved me

Stolas: ur holiness im forever in ur debt thank u

Blood: No debt plz just let ur daughter do wat she wants, and u let ur dad know what you're doing. Where ur going and when you'll be back because friends and family are everything right, little brother?

Surprise jr: mhm stolas, can i talk to u for a minute?

Stolas: Yes, my lord *walks to surprise Jr*

Octavia: Blood, how can i repay u? Honestly,

Blood: *gives her a scroll* When in doubt, I'll be there always keep ur heart open, my dear, and follow ur heart be urself nothing else promise me on that *smiles*

Octavia: *hugs blood kissing his cheek* Thank u, i promise

Stolas: r u serious, my lord? Really?

Surprise jr: mhm tell the others i want u guys for dinner tonight

Stolas: w-we'll be there, my lord. Thank u again octavia hurry we need to get packed

Octavia: Huh dad? *follows her dad*

Blood: i got to u again, huh brother? *lights a blunt taking a few puffs*

Surprise jr: kinda i been watching them they been spreading chaos everywhere in hell, and the surface in their realm so i decided to make them apart of my family

Blood: family is key, right brother

Surprise, Jr.: mom always knew it would solve problems.

Blood: Yeah, why don't u come up and see her, bro? She's not mad that u almost killed me she was scared u ran away or worse dead

Surprise, Jr: i'll be up someday, brother i want to

Blood: Bring your new family too, brother

Surprise jr: *giggles* deal brother *smiles*

Blood: Good, see u around, brother

[cronchcake]

got tagged by @autumnbois

🎧🎵 when you get this, you have to put in 5 songs you actually listen to at the moment. Then tag 5-10 followers to do the same. 🎵🎧

Muzzle, by Destroy Boys (self-explanatory)

2. Teach Me To Fight, by YONAKA (tickles my brain chemistry juuuuust right)

3. Until The City's Burning, from the MtG official album for Streets of New Capenna (yes I'm a nerd yes I headbang to a card game ost - just listen to the guitar solo. I can't handle it. speaking of which, Nails and Kneecaps is also vv good.)

4. This Hell, by Rina Sawayama (it's so so so catchy)

5. Devils Point, by Wicked Shallows (listen I heard it I imagined a Dishonored AMV I was gone. end of story.)

I've had trouble picking just 5, so thank you and ur welcome! :P

tagging @crowreys-wormstache and @nanomalous (just in case u weren't tagged yet idk, I haven't had this blog for long so I don't have a lot of moots)

[dreams-ive-had73]

I fell asleep after a test and had the wildest fucking dream.

(tw: mentions of death)

----------------------------------------------------

It started off with me going to a beach. It was nighttime and no one else was there. There was a couple umbrellas and towels spread across the sand, and tied to each umbrella was a dog. I went up to pet the dogs, but they seemed scared. They were looking at something behind me, not barking or growling, just staring. I stand up and look in the direction their staring in.

I see a herd of sheep walking slowly towards me. Somehow I know exactly what their intentions are, and how to stop them. I shut my eyes.

I open them and suddenly im in some twisted version of my school. There are stairs that lead to nowhere, random ledges to get to different floors. Overall its just hell to navigate. I remember being so annoyed that they had changed the layout of the school.

I leave the school through a door and walk out into a jungle. Im standing in the middle of a clearing, the school behind me. Theres a man with a dog in the middle of the clearing. I start to walk up to him, but i see the dog is staring into the jungle, scared. I look behind me and see the herd of sheep slowly coming at me. This is a flashback of some sort, so i dont know what to do. The man with the dog grabs me and tells me to close my eyes before shoving into a placescape thats in the jungle for some reason. He tells me that if i ever see this herd of sheep to close my eyes or else they will kill me. I shut my eyes.

(this next bit plays as a cartoon, so no like actual gore or anything)

Theres a sort of PSA playing (im pretty sure thats what theyre called? the alert thingys) Its basically stating that theres a herd of murderous sheep that will teleport to you and kill you if you have ur eyes open. theres a group of scientists thats gonna try to kill them with this machine they made. Its basically a giant metal sphere with a window/door in the front. It has a shallow layer of clear chemicals at the bottom. The plan is to put one of the scientists in there, have them open their eyes, and then the sheep will teleport to them and die due to the chemicals. It backfires as the glass door closes, the machine fills with chemicals and the lady inside starts to drown. The sheep show up and start zapping everyone with their lazer eyes.

I wake up.